My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm at about main and main street
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
