she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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