I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
