Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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