well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
