So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
