is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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