people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
