Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My cat gives me a boner
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
