I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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