I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the day after is always just damage control
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
