His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
