Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
