Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Quick, to the slutcave!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
