the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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