so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
