My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
