its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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