how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
