my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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