i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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