Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
