You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
