Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
