it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
