Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
