Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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