Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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