Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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