You smell like stripper and shame
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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