So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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