My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
