toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
