I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
