Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
