I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
