Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
