he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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