I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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