I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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