Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
