Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize