if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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