Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
last night I used snow as a chaser
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