How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
