Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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