can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
