I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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