i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
