You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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