I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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