He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
