I got chris browned last night
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
