he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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