I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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