so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
