I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize