They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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