Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
