Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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