dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It's just like the Real World with babies
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
