it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
the day after is always just damage control
birth control should be required to get into college
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Everclear isn't food dammit
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
