Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
