see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Enjoy the penises
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
