The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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