Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm passing your future prison.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
